While you were busy playing with artificial swords you bought from the latest Dusherra shopping craze (grow up!), I was busy following some Al Jazeera television signals. The Arabic channel does telecast something other than some stupid dance videos, violent movies and anti-American crap. Last night the channel featured Osama’s new terror plans for the sweet World on prime time. For those of you who really missed it, here’s a synopsis.

++ Move over Bush, Himesh is right on top!

The Afghans seem to hate Himesh Reshammiya more than us. Osama has invented a plan to capture the legendary singer from the Tihar Jail where he is currently serving his death penalty for certain obvious reasons. He’ll be taken to the Iraq borer where he’ll tackle American resistance to the Afghans with his nasal torturing voice levels. There’s no hope for the Americans.

++ Hijack more planes but with Indian air-hostesses!

Osama has a soft corner for girls. The number of wives he’s had proves it for sure. So when it comes to hijacking planes he’s not risking his Jehadis for American blondes. He’ll prefer smart, beautiful and cute looking air-hostesses. Indian (earlier Indian Airlines) is a strict no-no. He might prefer Kingfisher though. So if nothing works at least they’ll run away with those hot chicks!

++ Nukes are expensive, Chinese diwali crackers are in!

Getting nukes is easier. Maintaining and building up the whole thing costs a bomb. Osama is especially saving for the latest Apple iPod. So real is out and fakes are in. Chinese are smuggling diwali crackers to Afghanistan through the Indian Ocean. (They could take the shorter route but they’re Chinese!).

More from Al-Jazeera, soon! Tune in!