You’ve had the worst day of your life. College is too hard to get used to. You get stared at by the most unwanted freaks all the time. The lecturers speak in a tone as if they’re trying to seduce you. Monsoon is acting as if he’s in a serious relationship with Gujrat, Maharashtra. Suddenly the cell phone rings again. This time the caller gathers the guts to make use of his speaking abilities. A scared, dark and pathetic voice on the other hand asks for your true friendship and whether you’d mistake to jump into a relationship with them. It’s usual for a girl to get at least 4-5 calls like this everyday.

Ever since cell phones made their way into our pockets we’ve always rejoiced at the very idea of owning a chic gadget. Somehow at times like these we’re only able to curse the people who imported the damn machines in the first place. Unsolicited boyfriend offers is what I call them, these are worse than the usual Chunnus and Munnis selling credit cards, insurance and other crap to you. The callers in these cases have the manners to talk whereas these guys lack the basic etiquettes.

These notorious elements have their own way of getting access to cell phone numbers. They chase your close friends, search through college registers, beg, borrow or steal from somewhere I have no idea. It’s no use asking them from where they got your number. You’ll only end up extending the stupid conversations. Sometimes they know everything that there is about you and sometimes they’re simply shooting an arrow in the dark.

At first they appear all nice and shiny. By the time you start ignoring their text messages and calls or get rude to them they start revealing their true colors. I’ve personally had some truly rough experiences with some of them myself. But there’s an Ishy way to get out of the mess!

If you receive a call from such freaks here’s how you can make the most of it;

++ Pretend you have hearing problem and let them shout as they speak over the phone. A few calls and an aching throat would keep them at bay for a couple of days.

++ Tell him your husband works with the intelligence agencies and you wouldn’t like to see his picture in any wanted terrorists column in the news paper.

++ Let him know that you’re suffering from some life threatening diseases and these are highly contagious. But you’re interested in a relationship with him and ask him for a date. Cough a while on the phone and pretend to vomit once or twice. He’ll never call you again unless he’s a medical student.

++ Tell him you are interested in him. Then ask him if he’ll help you dump your ex-boyfriend’s body somewhere tonight.

++ Show off your wardrobe sense. Tell him you’re a complete Jassi clone and he’ll only call on Raksha Bandhan again.

These should be enough for now. I’ll come up with more soon till then keep talking!