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September 23, 2006
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It seems like a hot favorite topic of discussion today. It has always been. You can spend ages discussing the pros and cons of love and arranged marriages. Love marriage has it’s own several advantages over arranged and love marriages is more preferred amongst guys and girls today. Arranged marriage scores when you’ve spent all your youth studying, being mamma’s son, following dad’s business chases or just been unlucky finding the perfect match. Whatever be the excuse we tend to justify anything as per our own taste. It’s a fluid concept.
So here’s your chance. Single, married, marrying or whatever be your status feel free to speak your heart out. Your opinion counts. Your opinion matters. Let’s see what everyone feels about the topic.
105 Comments Add your own
Personally, I feel arranged marriages work better than love marriages. Somehow men and women are like mosquitoes. They tend to get bored sucking the same blood each nite and buzzing in people’s ears. On a serious note;
Love marriages result in a healthier and longer marriage-hood.
Love marriages are better where understanding and co-operation terms are concerned.
No dowry troubles in love marriages.
Known past, present and future during love marriages.
The biggest thing, you-know-your-partner!
And arranged marriages, well the last option once you can’t get lucky in love.
BTW i like this discussion thingy
I beg to differ there Ish! Arranges marriages happen to last longer and couples are more happier. That’s just by going through the sats. People just seem to get bored after a love marriage when there’s nothing new to discover about the other person!
Love marriage! Love marriage!
See in arranged marriage you never know the person with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life with - his / her past, behaviour, nature and stuff like that. Hell. You put your entire life in the hands of the person whom you have never known - just by meeting him / her once! Can it get any stupid?
If there is real love, not just mere physical bonding - love marriages are as pure and real as love itself - which is next to God.
I don’t see much difference between the two in today’s age. In love also you like the person because of looks or personality and later you find out their flaws but still love them. Its the same with arranged marriage, you like the person in first meet, then have engagement period of 6months or so, where you know that person by dating or watever, and then marry. In today’s age the difference between two kinda marriages is kinda blurred ocz it all about love-arranged marriages or arranged-love marriages (however you see it).
Nice discussion. It is true that most girls especially are moving towards love marriages since they feel knowing a guy well in advance is better than finding skeletons in his closet after marriage.
Personally I agree to that notion and feel the sort of fixtures that we have for selecting grooms for an arranged marriage are nothing more than a fixed cricket match.
Marriages are a major event in anyone’s life. You’re going to have to spend the whole life with this person and everyone wants this person to be special.
Be it love or be it arranged, women only want the best man!
What do you guys think?
Quoting from the latest post in my blog: “And that is where marriage comes in. It’s about physical, emotional, intellectual and social compatibility. While friendship can make do with only the emotional thing; lust with only the physical thing and love with only the two; marriage has greater demands, for its not only about love, its about companionship as well. Probably thats why arranged marriages are more successful. While it’s easier to befriend and/or lust for someone, it’s not easy to change one’s thought processes to suit someone else’s. By looking into the family, cultural and academic background, the marriage-arrangers aim for intellectual and social compatibility knowing fully well that romance and friendship will follow.”
But I would also like to add that with increasing freedom and opportunities, family background doesn’t remain that important a factor and so arranged marriages have an increasing failure rate.
at the ned of all of it—- its your LUCK !
u mite be lucky in love from an arranged marriage—done probably in the most boring manner possible and cud be unlucky in love in a love marriage— done in d most exciting, romantic manner! but the catch is— if your arranged marriage is unsuccessful, u can blame and go 2 ur parents but if u get unlucky in luv marriage, u have almost nowhere 2 go.
the fulcrum of all this is love—- parents of almost every1 here must have had a luv-marriage, and they are d most happiest!
as Harry said, this can be stretched much much more but the neeche waali line is that Love should be there— the most beautiful, true, real of all things.
Very interesting indeed. I guess love marriage has it’s down-falls;
1. Both get bored with each other.
2. Both discover a certain change in attitude in each other that is obvious after marriage and fights start.
3. Parents don’t normally approve so getting married is a tough thing in itself.
4. Love seems to fade away in certain years as responsibilities creep into life.
On the other hand an arranged marriage seems to work but it’s more of a compromise altogether. So should it be love or should it be arranged?
I’ll still prefer the Salaam Namaste live-in relationship buzz!
Very interesting indeed. I guess love marriage has it’s down-falls;
1. Both get bored with each other.
2. Both discover a certain change in attitude in each other that is obvious after marriage and fights start.
3. Parents don’t normally approve so getting married is a tough thing in itself.
4. Love seems to fade away in certain years as responsibilities creep into life.
On the other hand an arranged marriage seems to work but it’s more of a compromise altogether. So should it be love or should it be arranged?
I’ll still prefer the Salaam Namaste live-in relationship buzz!!
The marriage should work…thats the bottom line…
pehle love karo..then parents ko batao…phir shaadi arrange karvao….
I am going to have a love marriage, with a Gujarati Jain. I am a south indian reddy from Andhra Pradesh. I always wanted to have a rranged marriage though my parents have had a love marriage. I always had various thoughts about love marriage after listening to all the stories from the media and friends and so on. I always insited to my parents that i wanna have a arranged marriage in the same community as my parents but after i met my boy friend i reliased that getting married with the person whom u love is not that bad compared to falling in love with a person after marriage. I love my boyfriend a lot and so does he and we have decided to get married and our parents have no objection with our wedding.
But not all parents would be open minded like ours. U sometimes tend to hurt parents, either the guys parents dont like the girl or vice versa.
sometimes the religion and the caste comes in.
Somtimes the guy is not well settled and i am sure no parents would like to give their daughter into the hands of a guy who is not financially well settled. They r several thing when it comes to love marriages. Not all love marriages are succesful and not all arranged marriages are succesful. I can say its a 50-50% ratio about love and arranged weddings.
Live relationships are a buzz now adays but again those too have their own pros and cons.
The discussion here should begin like Single or Couple. Then it must think of Live In or Marriage, then Love Marriage or Arrange Marriage.
I have an experience to share.
During my diploma days I was alloted hostel with 2 other guys. 3 in one room was the principle. I spent 2 hard days with them. They were not like me and they mad issue of everything. Then I said, “OK mates, if we cant live 3 days together we cant live for 3 years” and I searched for ppl who matched my wavelength. And I found my best friends. Same is with life partner. Love, as I always say, in today’s scenario means getting laid. It has nothing to do with living life. What we see in love is called the best behaviour from both sides. Both sides easily forgive for the same issue for which they are ready to kill their sibling. Take for excample reading newspaper. If I see newspaper I must read it and no one in my home will stop me and if one does argument are bound to begin. But if I am in love I wont argue but for how much time. Some, who are in favor of Love marriage and I see they are in majority here, may argue that love changes you. I argue that if it has to change then why do we sibling rivalary. Why the same parents who were like GOD to us suffer in old age homes. Lets not deviate from the point. So IMHO Love or arranged marriage you must match your partner’s wavelength. I have seen Love marriages and also Arranged marriages failing. What I have learnt is that if I have a good female friend and if she is ready to marry me I will be lucky. Now here is the catch, a friend is not a lover or beloved. A friend is some thing else with whome you share all your emotions which you wont even share with your beloved or lover. So a friend knows you more than anyone else. Ofcourse not more than your parents and siblings. So my vote goes 55% for Love marriage, and 45% for arranged marriage with a courtship period which allows both parties to understand each other.
Why 5% more votes to love marriage? You cant stop human emotions.
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damn itz such a fluid conceot n i have so many conflictin thotz n viewz dat im so confused…..i mean some casez arranged marriage work out jus perfect…..but d couple has 2 b open minded n not biased…..but in other casez u have 2 gal bein beaten up n or ever charred…..in luv marriagez they prolly kno each other since long…..parentz approve else d chic runz away from home…..immense luv i reckon…..i think even if luv marriagez have a lil low percentage of lastin longer…..they sweeter n brk up is alwaz mutual…..coz they find out dat they aint compatible…..but in arranged marriage u bound 2 some rulez…..so u donno watz gonna happen next…….anyway……good topic bought up harry…..keep postin…..hadn;t seen u since long……care, d remainz…….
Well as Mehak said,
“The marriage should work…thats the bottom line…”
and yes,
“pehle love karo..then parents ko batao…phir shaadi arrange karvao….”
Exactly!
yaar in the end taan budhe ho ke bache hi palne ne, do tin saal di gal hai, sab pyar utar janda hai.. even the 7 year itch seems so exaggrtd…
well love is not the ultimate glue between two people…sex is…
ref:tejpal,the alchemy of desire..
and communication is another important part, if u think u can talk with ur partner endlessly fr hours , it doesnt matter whether urs an arrngd or u know each other since u were in kindegrdn. , it will last… so well physical and communication cmbned forms love with li’l adjustblty thrwn in…
so sex aint the ultimate glue btw two people..love is..
whether u love bfr, or after aint imp…
Yup it’s all about love!
isnt there a difference between loving somebody truly and having to love somebody because you have to live with them for the rest of your life
i am definitely not against arraned marraiges (in all probability i might end up with one), but i think when 2 adults know each other and fall in love and decide to marry, i think the long road ahead for them together is always gonna be hand in hand
There’s no doubt love marriages are the best way out to attain the ultimate ‘marriage nirvana’.
The truth is love marriages happen to become a rotten pickle after some time. No use.
Arranged marriages come like a pickle freshly seasoned with oil. By the time you’re 80 and with no teeth in your mouth you hardly have anything to regret and feel you’re finally in love!
*Gosh* which way do I go?!
Interesting topic…..Love marriage is like an ice-cream when first is melt or finish you want to try another flavour while in case of arranged marriage ice creams are strictly prohibited…..joke apart if you go by numbers then it looks like arranged marriage has upper hand.
I have a question where to people go and find the stats ?
We have a long history of people getting married thru arranged marriages so there are definitely gonna be a strong belief that the system works well now too. And may the stats are high too.
Any failure of love marriage can be mostly attributed to the lack of SUPPORT SYSTEM. Society and Family is the support system of any relationship. If you see western society people have been dating and handling issues related to them from a long time, so a friend, parent, uncle,aunty, siblings have there experience and suggestion to guide one in situations of relationship (post/pre marriage). We (Indian) donot have that system infact we have a good one for arranged marriage (Family pressure and society being the biggest)
Most of the reasons like - Love dies out with time , nothing to explore or more like issue liable to happen in both kinds of marriages, with the difference that in love marriage individuals are more independent(from scociety) to begin with so are more free to express their problems as against the individuals who have arranged marriage.
Well apart from personal benefits I feel there are social benefits to love marriage too. I have blogged the same at , feel free to put your comments
I have a question where to people go and find the stats ?
We have a long history of people getting married thru arranged marriages so there are definitely gonna be a strong belief that the system works well now too. And may the stats are high too.
Any failure of love marriage can be mostly attributed to the lack of SUPPORT SYSTEM. Society and Family is the support system of any relationship. If you see western society people have been dating and handling issues related to them from a long time, so a friend, parent, uncle,aunty, siblings have there experience and suggestion to guide one in situations of relationship (post/pre marriage). We (Indian) donot have that system infact we have a good one for arranged marriage (Family pressure and society being the biggest)
Most of the reasons like - Love dies out with time , nothing to explore or more like issue liable to happen in both kinds of marriages, with the difference that in love marriage individuals are more independent(from scociety) to begin with so are more free to express their problems as against the individuals who have arranged marriage.
Well apart from personal benefits I feel there are social benefits to love marriage too. I have blogged the same , feel free to put your comments
I have a question where do people go and find the stats ?
We have a long history of people getting married thru arranged marriages so there are definitely gonna be a strong belief that the system works well now too. And may the stats are high too.
Any failure of love marriage can be mostly attributed to the lack of SUPPORT SYSTEM. Society and Family is the support system of any relationship. If you see western society people have been dating and handling issues related to them from a long time, so a friend, parent, uncle,aunty, siblings have there experience and suggestion to guide one in situations of relationship (post/pre marriage). We (Indian) donot have that system infact we have a good one for arranged marriage (Family pressure and society being the biggest)
Most of the reasons like - Love dies out with time , nothing to explore or more like issue liable to happen in both kinds of marriages, with the difference that in love marriage individuals are more independent(from scociety) to begin with so are more free to express their problems as against the individuals who have arranged marriage.
Well apart from personal benefits I feel there are social benefits to love marriage too. , feel free to put your comments
guys ..
i am going to get into an arranged marriage… in jan..am damn confused and freaking worried abt the same. I am very emotional but my fiance is very practical..donno gona happen … but i guess we have a lot to learn together and post marriage which will make our bond stronger and make it last thruout our lifetime.
wat say ?
a marriage..whether love or arranged requires patience, understanding and trust. its the same as…’a rose by any other name would smell as sweet’…in the case of marriage lets add bitter too! Meaning, a marriage works out or doesnt not because two people fall in love and decide to tie the knot or because they are strangers.
Simply put..a marriage is what you make of it.
i think that love marriages can break in to two but you have also got to think about what a guy/girl would want! do they want to find their soul mate or do they want to take a rist and not marriage theit soul mate and just see how it works out. i personally think it is up to the person that wants either one. you can’t let someone else decide for you its jus not right.
To be truthful i think an arranged marriage is much better than a love marriage because you grow to love that other person, you find out new things, you learn new thing, you mett new people, you start a fresh! a new start! i believe it will work but better than a love marriage!
i think that love marriages can break in to two but you have also got to think about what a guy/girl would want! do they want to find their soul mate or do they want to take a rist and not marriage theit soul mate and just see how it works out. i personally think it is up to the person that wants either one. you can’t let someone else decide for you its jus not right.
To be truthful i think an arranged marriage is much better than a love marriage because you grow to love that other person, you find out new things, you learn new thing, you mett new people, you start a fresh! a new start! i believe it will work but better than a love marriage!
i think is love marrages is not securable because it is totle depends on girls& boys .it will be good or bad thay are responsible & nobody consol them.
Love marriage is the best i think coz you already know each other. To live with some1 you dont know, its really not easy. Well for me, no comments…love marriage is the best!
love marriiiaggee!!! cuz wat if u have arrange marriage, den durin ur realationship u find out da guy likez some1 else !!!!!! den wat r da gurlz suposed 2 do (who probably have kidz)
Buttt i soooo agree wit da: pehle love karo…..den parents ko batoa….phir shaadi k arrange karvao..
i think arranged marriages work out the best!!! theres hardly any problems altho in an arranged marriage ur more likely to get surprises wich aint a gud fing.. both ways luv or arranged, its a risk, altho u fink u kno da person very well how sure r you dat he/she aint guna leave you, as ive said anyfin can happen and we dont kno dat buh aint it imporatnt to keep others happy as well as urself!!! so its necessary to fink about the ppl around you for instance ur parents, will they be happy???
life is not fair buh it can be wen you do wat u wat nd u make dat effort!!!! nd dat goes for the luv marriage!!!!
ur soul mate aint guna cum to you, u’ll hav to find dem!!!
wat about ur parents>> whereas for my parents dey had an arranged marriage and am proud to say dat its worked well nd am sure dey wud wnt us to by happy buh mum keeps sayin its much better for an arranged i guess every1 has their own views buh its just dat personal experience you need…. wen fings go wrong u cant blame ur parents, ur da 1 hus guna be dere to blame for!!
woooow. dat was a long speech!!! lolzz. tc.. mwahz. PEACE OUT….
btw its a really gud discussion!!!! tc… mwahz….. xxxxx
guys, i need help!
im a sikh jatt, working on a masters degree and have been with my bf whose also sikh jaat and an engineer for over a year now.
My parents found out about us a couple of days ago and are not accepting the fact that I went out and found someone on my own.
I dont know what to do and how I can get them to say yes. I dont want to disappoint them but there is NO WAY that I am going to marry anyone else but him. ID rather kill myself then be with anyone else.
We have both been in the USA for over 20 years, are educated, well settled, same caste etc etc. so why cant my parents just accept it ?
what can I do?
his parents know and are fine and love me!
please help!!!!!!!!!!!
love marriage is better than arrange maggaige .becoz it is urs chocie
i think both love and arrange marriage have a little bit difference as in arrange marriage u like the person first then u love.while in love marriage u love the person first then getting into marriage.this difference makes any of the two marriage into hell.i think for any relationship going into a right way there must be real love between them which is for forever.so either arrange marriage or love marriage if u love the person then ur marriage will be successful.
I think everyone wants to be an ideal son and daughter, and go in for arrange marriage. But sometimes people are so much in love, that they cant think of marrying anyone else. They even have to go against their parents bcz they know there is no other way out. I think getting married to the one you love is the best thing, and if ure in love with someone, getting married to someone else is wrong. And yeah, if there is no one in ur life, then arrange marriage is the only way to go. I dont think u really have a choice in any case.
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well love mariige is not always successfull it semms too be successfull in the begning but its mostly lasts at trajic end….
ok well guys all i can actaully say about this topic is dat fair enough nowadays everyone has arrange and love but in the long run loev marriages are totally better reason for this is that u n ur partner know each other inside out you know the downfalls of that person but if u have an arrange marriage u cant excatly know them well so therefore love marriages are da bessstttttttt!!!
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does it matter?
TRUE Love mariage is when u would do anything for that person and would never leave them even if one day something happens to them such as they end up in a wheel chair or an ungodly event. Unfortunately most people dont fully love the person they end up marrying and eventually most dont work out.
with arrange marriage u hardlt get to know that person, and u are forced to accept things about them u mayu not like. alot of times the guy hardl spends time with his wife bc hes at work or something and he dosnt care.
U HAVE ONE LIFE TO LIVE, IF U FIND TRUE LOVE THEN GO WITH THAT AND NEVER LOOK BACK IF U HAVNT BEEN SUCCESFUL AT FINDING TRUE LOVE THEN ARRANGE MARRIAGE CAN WORK BUT ENSURE U KNOW THEM FOR THE MOST PART. AND MOST IMPORTANT NEVER LET ANY1 FORCE U TO SOMETHING U DONT WANT TO.
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well let me see iam in a relashinship with my sons father iam 20 yrs old and live with my parents me and my babys daddy had some ups and downs but who doesent right well we
i support both of the two system why b’coz both are great with there own significance
coming to love marriages
. parents intervention is very less
. we can choose ur own mate according to thoughts and taste
. good thing about this befor3e going into marriage understanding and co-operation will be more
biggest thing is u know ur partner.
COMING INTO ARRANGED MARRIAGES
. parents interventions will be more
. support system will be more
.if any problem occur we can blame our parents and we can ask support
. they choose the girl or boy weather they are coming frm good family and financial backgroud
Srry pealse
Wtong ctageroy…
will be crzeful
i think marrige is blunder be love or arrange
live in relations r the best
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i wud like to know mine is a love or arrange
wel,, i dnt knw any experience abt love marriage,, but i hv seen many cases abt marrige,,wel only one thing i can say to all youngsters zat DNT GET MARRIED,,Single is best,,
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i think love marr. is better than arrg. but in case of love marr. people told that it break so many times as i think it’s not right in all cases it’s fail only that case where lovers cross there love limits so i would like to tell all love marr. going people that they keep there limits tell marr. becoz after marr. it will be very supportive to make your life very fantastic.
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harpreet i came to know about ur problem but all i can say is ” whatever ur heart says in this time u go for that only” never go by ur mind in this case. because in this case mind can be wrong at sometimes but heart in most of d cases is right. well all d best to u for ur future with ur lover… remember i said lover.. not partner.. bye take care
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I Thought that love marriage is very bad .we are indian so we respect our parents arrange marriage is very good to all people and all world .be happy have a nice day
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hi,i am deciding about love marraiges are very good,love is a one part of life……………..,arrange marraiges are good and some times very bad situations come………..love is good understanding in life..
hello friends,
me capt.jakcy believe in love marriage,just because of whom i spend my whole life, at least i know her.i know her living style,about her test ,most thing is she love me,she respecting my feeling,cares.in love marriage we weave a dream together and give full afford to become a fabric.
.i am a textile designer i feel arrange marriage is plain weave and jacquard weave
all about love marriage is not you expect to your partner always love you.
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hello!
I need some help. I tried to register at Love finder but have a problem… Anybody used this service before?
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Thank’s
love marraige is a batter than arrange marraige . because all people aer starting the love marraige dowary system is finished our socity.
, , , . , , . , .
love marriage ho ya arranged…it got to have a feeling of love and care towards your partner….u should compramise as well as stand to ur opinions….if there’s a strong bond and u are made for each other then love marriage will surely be a success but if there’s no affection and two hearts are not attached then be it love or arranged it is surely to fail..that’s what i thnk…
Love marriage is in a way better becoz u fell in love and when u do fall in love, u feel like spending da rest of ure life wiv dem becoz
Good day to all
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